Raising a child is one of the most difficult tasks any parent faces. Unfortunately, there is no parenting school and we all have to learn our lessons the hard way. Nowadays, however, we have many sources - books, seminars, the Internet - from which we can draw knowledge. As long as we want, we can improve ourselves and find the answers to many questions that bother us.
"Am I raising my child properly?", "I'm worried that I will spoil my children" - these are a small part of the thousands of questions that strike every parent. What are the most basic mistakes we make in education? They are different for every parent, but here are some of the most common:
You are ignoring existing problems
Oftentimes parents ignore existing problems because they think they cannot be solved or else they accept things as they are without doing anything about it.
Before they act, months or even years can pass - a time during which the whole family can feel discomfort and respectively - this situation can be the cause of scandals and unnecessary nerves - for example - sleep problems, frequent waking up during the night, behavioral problems, problems with manners with other people. Although they require a lot of work, these are all inconveniences that can be solved. You may need help along the way. Look for a specialist or a book on the subject that interests you. Don't go with the flow, shrugging your shoulders and saying, "Well, it's normal." If you feel that a certain behavior in your child is troubling, an edifying tone and scolding will not solve the problem.
You have unrealistic expectations
If you burden your child with unrealistic expectations, this can cause problems to arise. This happens with parents who are too impatient. Are you worried that your child is 2 years old and still has no interest in sitting on the potty? Worried that your 6-year-old son or daughter is still wetting the bed? Is the teenager at home carried away and distracted? Make sure your demands and expectations match your child's mental and motor development. Don't jump to conclusions and give diagnoses.
Unrealistic expectations can put additional burdens on your children, resulting in problems with self-esteem, self-confidence and even stress, as well as poor grades in school. It's important for children to feel accepted for who they are without feeling ashamed that they don't meet your high standards. Another negative aspect is reinforcing the belief: "I'm not good enough" - this in turn can lead to chronic anxiety.
You strike back
This is not about physical self-torture, but about the cases in which you lose your temper and respond to your child's unacceptable behavior with shouts, scandals, screams or repeating the same thing until exhaustion. Arguing and fighting with your children is something they pay a lot of attention to, but with negative feelings. The ability to provoke you to the point where even you can't control yourself gives children a great mental edge over you. Why? Because they see and realize what state they can bring you to - that way they feel like they're "commanding the parade". Instead of stopping the negative behavior, by scolding you are actually encouraging the child to repeat the behavior. Try not to punch back or get into a fight trying to figure out who is stronger. Use gentler methods - talk or take a moment to rest, rethinking your actions.
You fight your child's battles for him
Although there are conflicts in which a parent should stand by their child, providing support, always protecting your child can have a negative effect on their development and their ability to learn how to interact with others people. When children are young, it is good for them to watch their parents deal with problematic situations - this is how they learn from them. But the more a child grows, the more he should be left alone to deal with unpleasant situations that arise. When parents take away the opportunity for the child to defend himself, he gets used to the fact that nothing depends on him and his voice cannot be heard. Children should be encouraged to voice their opinions and set their own boundaries for interacting with others.