Raising children is a very complex task. Their upbringing even more so. Parents have the heavy duty not only to train their children to be kind to people, but also to their brothers and sisters, if they have any. It is the parenting attitude itself and the methods they use that is crucial. Unfortunately, some unintentionally dropped phrases and sentences, which parents think are educational, turn out to be the very reason for the relationship and love between siblings to be destroyed later in life.
What are some of the most harmful parenting phrases that destroy the relationship between siblings?
Take an example from your brother/sister
This phrase of helplessness is usually reached when one child is obedient and the other is not. In an effort to make the disobedient child become more obedient, they set the example of the little brother or sister. Not only does this not have the desired effect, but it can instill further hatred between the siblings that will remain between them for the future. It is possible to create competition between children in every respect, which destroys the relationship and closeness between them.
"Stop being angry, crying" or "Stop it"
Such phrases not only do not solve the problem, but continue to make things worse in general. Such sentences are harmful not only in communication with children, but also with adults. The custodial finding that it is time for the child to stop the behavior is devoid of motivation as to why it should do so. It's natural for him to disobey his parent because there are usually feelings involved that can't be controlled with a simple "stop what you're doing."
“I love you equally”
Many parents know how harmful sharing is to children, especially if they feel it themselves. In an effort to convince their children that there is no parental division on their side, they convince them that they love them equally. At first glance, there is nothing wrong with that. But in fact, each child carries its own individuality, marked by its own unique qualities. Therefore, children cannot feel valued if they are loved equally. They may get used to not having anything special about themselves to be loved. Psychologists advise parents to use motivation in expressing their different affection to their children. For example, they can point out what they like about one child and what they like about the other. Thus, they will emphasize the qualities of children as individual, different personalities and stimulate their development.
Take care of your younger brother/sister
Many parents delegate the care of their younger children to the older ones.When this happens by force or is dictated by a commanding tone that imputes responsibility to the older child, it is very likely that he will resent the younger one. In the child's mind, the motivation to raise a lesser human being is not yet built up and well padded as it is in adults. That is why this commitment would be rather an annoying burden for the child. A burden that robs him of the playtime and pleasures that are his only desire at this age. The responsibility for raising all children lies primarily with the parents, not the children.
“You gotta love it. He's your brother/sister"
Love is not an obligation and parents who use this phrase are deeply mistaken. A child cannot be forced to love, much less with such sentences that can cause jealousy and conflicting feelings. Better parenting involves leaving children alone so they can build relationships with each other.When there is a conflict between them, the parent can suggest ways to resolve it without allowing further competition between the children.
“You are the bigger one, be smarter and give way”
This phrase is also frequently used by many parents. It aims to develop patience in the child and to protect the little one in different situations. However, this sentence has negative consequences in the child's mind. Not only can it cause a deterioration in sibling relationships, but it can also teach the child that giving in and fighting for his own desires is a bad thing, and this can be reflected in his actions as an adult. This could shape him as a person who does not fight for his goals and desires in society, at work, in relationships with people.