Deciding to become a part of someone's life, and for a long, extended period of time, is one of the most important steps a person makes. And when he connects his fate with another who already has children from a previous marriage or relationship, the decision becomes even more responsible. It is not at all easy to suddenly enter the life of one or more children who are extremely sensitive in such a situation.
Depending on the circumstances and how things went between their parents, these little ones may have suffered a lot and are easily hurt. Therefore, if you have decided on this important step in your life's journey, be very sure that you know what you are doing.
We will help you make a decision by presenting a few questions that some psychologists recommend answering before taking such a step.
Here are they:
Can I handle failure?
No one is born taught to be a parent. No matter how much we prepare for the difficulties that await us, we cannot handle every single challenge perfectly. And one learns from mistakes, right? But before you become part of a family and share your life with children who are not yours, you should be aware that many difficulties and clashes will await you. Some cases you will solve successfully, with a smile and joy, but others can turn out to be a real disaster. And if you are prepared in advance, both for success and failure, your mission as a parent will be successful regardless of the outcome.
How stable is the relationship with my partner?
One of the main questions before taking this step is to answer yourself how he althy your relationship is. Do you have problems that make you feel uncertain about your future, and if there are any, discuss them in time. Make sure this person is stable and you can count on them in difficult times. Because there will be, it is inevitable. But if you are sure of his love and support, if you share some values, you will go through difficulties more easily.
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What makes me jealous?
When you tie your fate to other people's lives, you should be aware of what can easily anger you or make you jealous. Why is this key? Because you will become a step-parent to one or more children, but it is very likely that you will have a child in common with your partner, and then the equation changes dramatically. To be prepared for such a change, it is important to realize what can make you react negatively and even differentiate between children. Prepare for these things and start working on them now.
Do I have a life outside of motherhood?
Social life is of great importance to any normal person. And when you're a parent with multiple responsibilities and tasks, your fun and personal life take a back seat. Therefore, before making this decision, consider how much you can limit your own interests and reduce meetings with friends, entertainment, visits to the cinema, theater, concerts, etc. Of course, this change will not last forever, but in for the first few years, your family commitments will be your main obligation to comply with.
Am I ready to hear negative comments and take criticism?
If you're not ready, you better not do it. It is not easy for any person to receive negative comments and reactions, but in such a situation, be sure that it will happen to you. When you hear something hurtful or angry from your child, the reaction is radically different than when you are a step parent. You'll have to swallow a lot, and there will be times when you won't be sure what the right reaction is. But if you are prepared now for these situations and think of a plan of action, it will be easier for you, no doubt about it.
