Being a step parent in a family is certainly not an easy mission. To devote yourself to a child that is not yours, but you accept as your own, requires a great deal of courage and, above all, a big heart. But wanting to be a good stepparent doesn't mean the reception from the kids will be warm. There is no child for whom it is easy to accept the separation of their parents and welcome their stepparent with open arms. Such a process rarely goes smoothly in families, and therefore it is necessary to act in a complex manner. Both the biological parent and the step-parent must take individual steps with great persistence to make the process go as smoothly as possible and without upheaval and emotional trauma for anyone in the family.
There are a few important things you can do if you are in a similar position.
If you are a biological parent in such a situation:
Respect the child's feelings
The most natural reaction of a child in a situation when he has to live with a new person, and in the position of his step-parent, is to be a ball of different emotions. Children go through different phases, change moods, and may have angry outbursts. Be prepared for these moments and respect your child's feelings. Don't ignore them because they are children. These emotions must come out of the child and it is good to encourage him to be open and share. Even if you don't like the things I share with you, the important thing is to communicate and find common ways to survive the negative emotions.
Spend time with your child
One of the best ways to help your child accept the new person in your family is to talk to him, but privately, as well as spend more time together. The child must feel that you are his parent and this change in the family will never change the feelings towards him. You will never for the world stop loving and supporting him, and it is critical for the child to feel that strength and conviction in you. And the best way to demonstrate it is to give him enough time, just him.
Use family activities to bond
In order to build a harmonious relationship between family members, every opportunity should be used. Including family games that entertain everyone. Such activities have a bonding function and are an effective way for everyone to spend time together.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
In order to communicate successfully with the child, it is not necessary to constantly seek contact with him or to check and question him. It is enough to have time for meaningful conversations with him, to devote time only to him, so that he feels how significant he and his experiences are. Do not mumble, and when communicating, do not engage in side activities such as clicking on your phone. Listen and talk real.
If you are a step parent in this situation:
Explain your role
Young children under the age of 5 more easily accept new members in the family, but most children from 5-6 years old and above can experience serious difficulty in accepting you. Children of this age often fear that the new family member will take the place of the biological parent. To prevent such fears from arising, it is important that the stepparent explains his role in the family. To reassure the child from the beginning that he will not replace his parents and that he will try to create a new loving relationship in his life. Tell him that you want to be a part of his life and you will be happy to share with you that you will be there for help, advice and support.
Plan common activities
This is one of the sure ways to get to know the child and you. Organize activities to participate in together - whether it is a family hobby, doing a puzzle, going to the theater, museum, cinema, going for a walk. The important thing is that you spend time together and have fun.
Take responsibility
Remember that you are the adult in this relationship, and even though it is not your child, once you become part of their family, it is okay to take your responsibility. You are the person who should take the main and most important steps towards bonding with the child. It is your responsibility to find the appropriate ways to make this happen as smoothly as possible.
